intomybrain

It’s as hot as hell in my car and here’s the proof.

66.6 miles

I love summer, except for this. My car takes about 20 minutes to decide that its A/C should be cold and not hot…which is about the length of time it takes me to get most of the places I go. 90% of everywhere else I go takes less time. Go figure.

On the day Josh (my brother-in-law) and Rachael (my friend) got married, I blogged.

When I woke up in the morning, the idea just hit me that it might be fun to keep a running log of the day to remember it by. And it’d make a pretty fun blog post. So I cued it up in my drafts and used my iPhone to update it throughout the day. I did get a big lazy toward the end… not so much lazy as forgetful and there just wasn’t the time. These aren’t all the pictures, just some that tell the story. Continue reading »

My friend, Haemin, posted this on her blog. So here’s my response
There’s a few more I’ve sorta done, or done half way, but I’m going to leave them un-bolded until I do them for reals. I’m only 23. I’ll get there.

RULES: There are 100 statements and you bold the ones you have done. Grab it and play for yourself!!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disney Land
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a preying mantis
10. Sang a solo
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept in an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you are not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michaelangelo’s David
41. Sung Karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea diving
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten cavier
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chicken pox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

The gym was great! It’s a relatively small one. No bells or whistles . . . other than the movie theater with treadmills, bikes, and ellipticals. (They had Iron Man on today. It was basically awesome. ) It doesn’t have classes or a pool or anything like that. But its cheap, close, and has the basics. At the moment, what else do we need?

Check it out, if there is one by you. It’s called RetroFitness.

We didn’t stay for all that long because we had to get home and let the dog out. But I’d say it was a great introduction to the gym. And since it was only 2 hours since it’s official opening when we got there, there weren’t many people. Awesome. And it was my first time in almost two years working out in an actual gym instead of just at home. It’s really motivating for me to get out an exercise. So that was awesome. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Check it out.

I decided that I have a lot to say. And I have a lot of creativity. And I want to put the two together. I did some random surfing of them web and found various blogs with writing tips, tips on beating “writer’s block”, getting something started, etc. One tip that comes up a lot was to just start writing. I’ve done this before. And it’s always worked. So I don’t know what it is that keeps me from continuing to do this.

I decided to start typing away (in a relatively distraction-less environment). My goal was just that, to just type. No matter what it was that I felt or thought. Whether it made sense or not. Just type. It didn’t matter if what came out was sensical, random phrases, or complete gibberish. Eventually it would take me to my destination. A cohesive thought. (Side note: It’s really strange and; not to mention thoroughly, exhilarating-ly, thrilling; that a goal of randomness usually results in complete order.)

This is what my brain said to my fingers:

I want to start writing a book. Maybe a novel. Maybe a short story. Fiction or non-fiction. I’m not sure which yet. Mac should have a full-screen mode. That would make this a lot easier for me. I wonder what I should write about. I could write a poem. Something abstract. Right now the only things that are flowing out of my brain are random thoughts, nothing coherent. Something that seems to be more useful on the creative end if I was painting. Not writing. There is an analytical side to writing. Of course, there’s an analytical side to painting as well. But with painting I can create freely with my brain and hand. The only barrier between my brain and a finished painting, besides time, is what I can make the paint do. The limits of the paint itself. But when I am writing, what is between my brain and my creation is the alphabet. It’s finite. 26 letters. Some punctuation is involved of course. Space, capitalization… And the words that are made up of these letters. There may be an infinite amount of words, but my brain only contains a finite amount of knowledge pertaining to them. The beholder of my creation (still on the subject of writing) needs to be able to visually see my words, and make sense of their letters. But with paint, the beholder not only sees with their eyes, but also with their senses. People can see words on a page with their senses, but it seems to me that it is more indirect. The words can stir things in them, but the words on the page themselves can’t stir anything. Words have a finite limit, and letters have finite restraints…when grouped together, they have to correspond to the intended readers language. But paint…a painter doesn’t have those constraints. There’s such thing as writer’s block…everyone at one point or another has used that term. But you rarely, if ever, have heard of “painter’s block”. There are an infinite number of shapes, colors, textures, etc. And every artist (every artist who understands this) has access to every single one of those infinite possibilities.

So this is where I’ve started. A dump of my brain. Relating art and writing. Or more specifically, painting and writing. Paint and words. Brushes and letters. A canvas (or anything for that matter) and a laptop (or paper or white board, etc).

So. What’s happened since I posted last?
Well…to piggy-back off of my last post…Italy won the World Cup (woohoo!). As if I didn’t have enough Italian pride to begin with…

Haha, and to be honest…I can’t think of too many other exciting things that happened so far this summer.

Oh! David, his mom (“your mom”), and Jen came back from SA (South Africa…for you uninformed). It’s great to have them back.

The Mexico team has come and gone from…you guessed it… Mexico…
(By the way, just incase you didn’t know… Rachael rocks )

Dan, Steve, and Kevin left for Europe about a week ago and will be back soon.

And yeah…that basically makes up most of my friends (either indirectly or directly)… They’ve all gone some where this summer. Don’t get me wrong, its not that I am not happy that they’ve gotten to experience what they have. I’m genuinely happy for all of them. They’ve all come back with evident growth in one way or another…and for the ones that still have yet to return? I’m sure they’ll at the very least have great pictures and stories to tell. I’m happy for them…but it just reminds me of all the plans that I had for this summer that just couldn’t happen.

I’m not trying to sound pathetic, or whiney, or give off the impression that I’m not thankful for anything that’s happened (or not happened) this summer so far. It’s just that I’ve been dying to get out! I’ve been longing, so longing, to do something with my life this summer break.

Tried to go back to Waveland… got turned away because they forgot about me.
Tried to get “a real job”… not so much.

But in the midst of a summer of rejection and loneliness, here are the things I would have missed if my original plans had gone through, and the wonderful things that I have been able to do.

My grandfather died. No, I’m not happy about that. And I do not find it wonderful. But it happened right in the middle of the time period that I was planning on being in Mississippi… It was so much better that I was home with my family and that we were all here to be there for each other. (here to be there?) And by the way…Dan was beyond amazing during this time. (Thank you)

I got time to work on my photography, music, and art. AND READ! I actually have time to read!!!

I was a bridesmaid at one of my very good friend’s wedding. It was so much fun!! We all had a blast, she was beautiful, and there were sunflowers and butterflies! (Yes, yes, I am a girl)

I went into the city (THE city) to see a taping of “The Daily Show” with Dan, David and their brothers.

I got a temporary babysitting job for a lovely family, with the most adorable and loving children, for a chunk of the remaining summer. Violet is absolutely delightful and Luke is just as adorable and loving as could be. (And thank you Jesus for the gas money!!!)

Oh! And I cleaned my room

OO OO OO! And I planted a beautiful garden!!! Ok…well…two gardens…one of which isn’t nearly as beautiful as the other. (My vegtable’s are growing soooo much better than my flower garden.) Guess who’s growing her own pumpkins for her annual homemade pumpkin pies this year!!!

(my word I love this album)
(It’s Eisley…just incase you didn’t get my drift from the title of this post)

And I’ve been relatively healthy all summer. Which is a lovely break from the 3 bouts of the flu I had this past school semester (week-long bouts might I add). Haven’t gotten to the gym as much as I would have liked, but I haven’t been a bum!

Well, that is all I am going to post for now I guess. I’m still sad about not going away anywhere this summer …actually quite depressed… And the same goes for not making a difference in anyone’s life. But. I need to look on the bright side (?). And I have to keep reminding myself of all the things that I am thankful for. It just wasn’t my time.

So today evidently was NJIT Student Appreciation Day. Maybe I’m an idiot and just didn’t see the advertising for it…but I think they could have done a better job of it. I knew it was coming up but I didn’t realize what day. You’d think that if they were really appreciating us students (which, personally, I think they should have a point of doing everyday) they’d make sure we’d really really know about it. But anyway, I still thought it was pretty nifty. The Campus Center actually felt like you were on a college campus today. It was fun. There was music and people and other stuff. I thought it just felt fun. Of course, by the time I got out of my room and had this whole realization of this day of appreciation, I had only like 10 minutes to get food and eat before I had to go to class. So I basically missed it…I have class from 1-5:30 with no breaks on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so my day was completely shot and I missed a lot of the “festivities.” So. I got back from class and I went back to my room and just hung out for a bit. Then I decided I was hungry and went to the Campus Center for the buffet for dinner. I’m so glad I did (I almost just got a salad instead.) The food wasn’t all that amazing (not bad, though) but it all still had that “fun feeling.” (Now that I think about it, it was probably just the balloons that made it feel fun…I’m a little kid like that…).
Anyway. I get my food and sit down and realize that the Don Carter Jazz Trio is about to play. It was so what I needed today. I love music. Especially live music.
And as I was listening to them and watching them play, it quickly dawned on me that this was the first time I ever saw a jazz trio play in person. It was so awesome. Just to watch these three men play these instruments that they love. With a type of rhythm that I don’t hear frequently enough to really wrap my mind around it completely. It’s so different, and rich, and interesting, and appropriately complicated. And the trio is so perfect. Drums, an upright electric bass, and a keyboard. You’ve got everything right there…the rhythm, the bass, and the melody, respectively. And yet, all at the same time, in a jazz trio each of those instruments individually has the capacity to play any of those elements. But they aren’t just capable of it, they do it. There were sections of pieces where the drum took the melody…somehow…as the keyboardist took care of the rhythm. For other songs, the drums were the bass, the bass was the melody, and the keys were the rhythm. And every other combination you can think of. Jazz is cool. Live jazz is even better.
It made me miss music. Not just music itself, more specifically playing music with a group of people. I haven’t played an instrument along with other people since high school. Literally. That’s awful. Yes, I’ve sung with a band since then…and I love that just as much. But 1) I don’t get to do that nearly as often as I’d love and 2) it’s different than picking up a tangible instrument that you can either run your fingers or breath across to make music. And playing with other people, especially your friends and people you care about and who care about you…and who all love music…is in and of itself a totally amazing experience. I really love it. And I really wish I could do it more often. I think some people take that for granted (‘that’ being the act of playing music with other people)…because not everyone who wants to do so has the opportunity to do so. No matter how badly you want to sing or play with other people…if you don’t have the “other people” than you can’t play with them, now can you? Sometimes it bothers me to see some people who get to play along with their friends on a regular basis…because as I said before, most people take it for granted. They act like, “oh, its nothing, we do it all the time.” They may thinks it’s even cool and fun, but you never realize how really “cool” and “fun” it is until you have that opportunity taken away from you for one reason or another.
But at the same time it can have a sort of catch-22 aspect to it… because if you do experience the lull that is the lack of that aforementioned opportunity, and then you do eventually get the chance to play even once with people…if they don’t understand what that lull feels like (or on the other hand, how awesome coming out of that lull feels like) …it becomes sort of…well…depressing. Because it’s almost like, “Hey! I’m back!” and they’re all like, “You were gone?” and it then proceeds to become not as cool.

For those of you who are not “in the know,” be glad…very very glad. Juuust kiddiiiing. STS 349 is my “Advanced Music Technology” class. So far, I’ve witnessed the music technology…but not so much the advanced. If ya know what I mean (said in true “Whose line is it anyway?” style).

I finished my first project for that class tonight. And by ‘finished’ I actually mean ‘done with it for tonight, until I wake up tomorrow morning, listen to it again, and realize, “wow, that sucks!” as I totally redo the whole thing’.

But for now, it is finished. It was kind of challenging. (yes, I realize that was probably the whole point). We had to pick a short sound clip, either from our own collection or from a sound sample that came with Ableton Live (the software we are using), and proceed to create a song using nothing but that one snippet of sound. It was definitely more of a challenge than I originally thought it would be. But I believe that I accomplished the task…or at least made a decent attempt at it.

Well good night, my lovelies reading this… If anyone actually does read this. It just dawned on me that I actually only know of one person who does read my blog; possibly two. And yet…I will still blog. No matter how much I can’t stand that word. Blog. Ew.

‘Blog’ belongs with all those other words I can’t stand. Like, ‘strap’. And ‘abominable’. And ‘Spanish’. And ‘orgy’. And ‘phenomenon’. I don’t know why I don’t like any of those words. I just don’t. Don’t like the way the sound. They irk me. Hey, add ‘irk’ to that list as well.
Actually, I do know why I don’t like the word ‘phenomenon’ ..it’s because whenever I try to say it out loud (or to myself for that matter) it comes out like, “phemonenomenonemenon”…I start saying it wrong…and I just can’t make it stop once I start it. Literally…ask me to say it sometime…it really sounds like that.

So I tried to continue some of my song writing last night, because I haven’t really been putting time aside to do it lately and not as much was getting done in that area as I would have liked. So I tried writing something… and, well, my best response to how well it went would be, “not so much.”
So I fell asleep, woke up a couple of times, had a pretty restless night, and finally really got up at10 or so. Checked my email…took a shower…and lo and behold…I’m in the shower for like 5 seconds and all these ideas start flooding my brain like I’m never going to make it out of the shower (I did make it out safe and sound, btw, just in case you were wondering). So, long story short, I basically wrote a song in the shower this morning. And I’m quite happy with it. I mean, it’s not done, but I’m happy with it. Ok, and just in case you’ve never done it…writing a song in the shower is not an easy thing to do. You’re basically just thinking of things and putting them together in your brain and then trying to find ways to remember it all. It’s not like you can grab out a piece of paper from behind the shower curtain and start doodling all your ideas down with the handy sharpie pen you happen to keep next to your razor on the shelf. Ya know? I mean, I guess you could use the shower curtain itself and use the razor to ‘write’ down your ideas…but you can’t really make any mistakes or erase that way…and don’t slip because if you do that song could really hurt.
It’s still a work in progress…but isn’t everything?